Espionage in the Underground
by Clinically Insane
Summary: Jareth has captured Hoggle! Sarah has just graduated from college and revisits the Underground to save Hoggle with a devious plan. But what happens when that plan backfires?
1. Problem and Solution

Espionage in the Underground  
  
Chapter 1: Problem and Solution  
  
Disclaimer: Thus far I only own Ara and the cottage of course!  
  
Ever since Sarah had conquered the Labyrinth, the Underground had never been the same. Hoggle found a backbone he never knew he had, which compelled him to purchase a charming four bedroom stone cottage on the edge of the BoES with Ludo, Sir Didymus and Ambrosius, complete with a straw roof, 4½ bathrooms and a full kitchen.  
  
The fab four kept their day jobs, but by night they had become vigilantes. Partners in crime if you will, defending the Underground from the tyranny of the Goblin King. They had turned the house into an unofficial HQ and become close friends through out the years that came to pass. They had become nothing short of family.  
  
In the beginning they kept in constant contact with Sarah, but as time went by they soon found they had their work cut out for them. They became the unspoken liberators of the Underground. The positions they had taken on proved to be very rewarding, but their new found prestige came with undaunted danger.  
  
At first Jareth ignored them, assuming their boldness would wane. It soon came apparent the possibility for that to occur was next to nothing, much to the Goblin King's annoyance. It soon became obvious that something must be done with or more appropriately to these vigilantes!  
  
Unfortunately for Hoggle he had become too cocky and one night on a routine recognizance mission he encounter His Royal Highn-ass and rather than running the other way when Jareth tried to intimidate him with the usual "Stop what you're doing or I'll drop you head first into the Bog of Eternal Stench!"  
  
Hoggle looked the Goblin King straight in his mismatched eyes and said "Bring it on you spandex wearing weirdo!"  
  
Hoggle was never seen again after that incident, but Ludo, Sir Didymus and Ambrosius got it on good authority that Hoggle was being held in the king's dungeon. Now the question was "How the hell do we get in there?"  
  
~*~  
  
Meanwhile above ground it was a beautiful morning at Sarah's penthouse, which was a block from her college. The birds were singing and Sarah's power blue haired roommate, Ara, was bouncing around the apartment (literally, she jumping on the furniture. Sarah was not amused, not only because it was the butt crack of dawn, but because it was the day after graduation and not only had Sarah's father been absent from the ceremony, but he was forcing her to come home for a week so all of her relatives could congratulate her. She was going purely for political reasons.  
  
As long as she appeased her father's wishes to see her, on all the major holidays and whenever he felt guilty for neglecting his first born from a previous marriage, he paid for her share of the rent.  
  
"It's a beautiful morning!" squealed Ara as she pounced on Sarah's bed, "How can you still be asleep?!"  
  
Ara had always been strangely perky. And everything amazed her: TV, skyscrapers-event the toaster! She was truly different from anyone Sarah had ever met, not only because of her powder blue hair, but on account of her bright lavender eyes that seemed to shimmer in the dark.  
  
The color was altogether unnatural, almost a neon lavender, which didn't make any sense because she didn't wear contacts. As far as Sarah knew she had 20/20 vision.  
  
Anyway back to our story, Sarah rolled out bed, reluctantly, and took a shower. As she walked out of the bathroom in her signature low cut poet's shirt, she found, as usual, Ara parked in front of the TV with an over flowing bowl of lucky charms watching Regis and Kelly. Sarah just rolled her eyes and picked up her duffle bag and started to walk to the door.  
  
"How long will you be gone?" asked Ara.  
  
"Not long," said Sarah looking at her watch, "Ara, aren't you going to be late for your shift at Victoria's Secret. It's 9:45, your still in your PJ, the shop is clear across town and your shift starts at 10!"  
  
"Don't worry I have plenty of time." said Ara, "By the by how are you enjoying those samples I gave you?"  
  
"Ya, they're great. I'm taking a few home with me. I might as well have some comfort, while visiting my family," joked Sarah as she walked out the door.  
  
The train ride was a horror and the final destinations of the journey didn't make anything more pleasant. Now a woman of 21 she still twitched with hostility at the thought of her stepmother, who was now going through menopause and the thought of the woman's cooking!  
  
The second Sarah got home she walked into the main hall where she was met by a god awful stench!-No. not the bog, Karen's cooking!  
  
Sarah ran up to her room and flopped down on her bed to get some rest before she had to face her family. Fortunately, Karen had gone to pick up Toby from a soccer game so the house would be silent until they returned.  
  
She began to panic when she heard the car brakes screeching from two blocks over! It was then that the silence was broken-  
  
"Fair Maiden? Is it really you?"  
  
Sarah turned to see the little knight's image in her mirror.  
  
"Yes, Sir Didymus it is," exclaimed Sarah as she ran over to the vanity.  
  
"Thank heavens, we need your help!" cried Sir Didymus.  
  
"Don't move!" yelled Sarah as she heard the car screech to a halt in the driveway. She grabbed her still unpacked duffle bag and charged the mirror as Karen slid the key into the door.  
  
Sarah soared through the frame and into the underground just to be met by that God awful stench-No, not Karen's cooking, the BOG! (pay attention!).  
  
As Sarah adjusted to the over powering odor of the BoES Didymus and Ludo told her of Hoggle's mishap with Jareth.  
  
Sarah sat on the rug in the living room before the modest fireplace stroking Ambrosius. Her dog, Merlin had died two years prior while she was at college and she never forgave herself for not being there with him.  
  
She listened to the tale with wide eyes. "I had no idea he had it in him!" she said.  
  
"Quite frankly neither did we," admitted the noble knight.  
  
"We have to save him!" declared Sarah.  
  
"How?" asked Ludo.  
  
Sarah paused for a moment than said with a wicked gleam in her eye, "I have a plan!" 


	2. The Plan Pt 1

Chapter 2: The Plan (Pt. 1)  
  
Disclaimer: I still only own Ara and the cottage-So far!  
  
Dusk was descending on the Labyrinth as the vigilantes put Sarah's plan into action.  
  
Sarah set out through the vast junk piles armed with nothing but her duffle bag, which just so we're clear was still unpacked! It was not long before she reached the gates of the Goblin City. Thankfully it was easier to gain access this time, considering the fact that she was posing no threat this time.  
  
It didn't take very long for Sarah to start attracting attention. The inhabitants of the city stared in disbelief as she passed by. But despite it all she kept on going until she came to the center of the city, where she was quite astonished by what she beheld before her-  
  
There in the middle of the city was a fountain with a bronze statue of her in mid-stride, wearing her poet's shirt.  
  
Sarah barely had a chance to sit down before Jareth made his usual sparkly entrance.  
  
"Damn!" Sarah swore while shielding her eyes from the white light and glitter, "You know you're going to blind someone one of these days!"  
  
"Sarah, well this certainly is a surprise," said Jareth in his usual haughty tone, which soon became a flat tone, "Why are you here?"  
  
"Well," said Sarah, "I just figured since it's been so long we have a lot of catching up to do."  
  
Jareth's eyes narrowed, "For example?"  
  
"For example-" Sarah paused as the vigilantes came into view behind Jareth as they crossed over to behind the castle.  
  
"Tell me, Sarah, why is it that I feel you're stalling?" asked Jareth.  
  
"S-Stalling you?! What do you mean?" inquired Sarah.  
  
"You tell me," said Jareth crossing his puffy sleeved arms.  
  
Ambrosius began to whine as they crossed over into a shadowy ally.  
  
Jareth began to turn when Sarah intervened.  
  
"I have a question for you," she said quickly.  
  
Before Sarah knew what she was doing she reached down and yanked her shirt up to her chin, bra and all.  
  
"Do you think I should get one pierced?" she asked as Jareth stared wide eyed at her bare chest.  
  
Sarah decided to lower her shirt before Jareth had a conniption.  
  
It was a little while before Jareth could regain his voice, but when he did he felt the need to ask, "S-So, where are you staying?"  
  
"Oh, you know I thought I'd just pitch a tent in the bog and see what happens or hey, maybe I could crash with firies. They seemed like a fun group and if memory serves they wanted a rematch from last time." said Sarah thoughtfully as she successfully lead Jareth on.  
  
"Don't be ridiculous!" said Jareth, "You can't stay outside!"  
  
"Well I would have stayed with Hoggle, but I can't seem to find him anywhere. You wouldn't happen to know where he is would you?" said Sarah with faux concern-whew! Good thing she had just graduated from the acting program at her college.  
  
"Probably visiting family or something?" said Jareth quickly.  
  
"Then I guess I could go bunk with Sir Didymus and Ambrosius in their tree," said Sarah thoughtfully.  
  
"You're staying with me!" said Jareth, "I won't take 'no' for answer."  
  
"Well, alright," Sarah shrugged, "-I'm not inconveniencing you or anything am I?"  
  
She made sure to touch his arm gently just like her drama teacher taught her to "make a physical connection. It shows the audience you really mean the lines you are saying."  
  
"No, not at all," Jareth assured Sarah as he took her duffle bag and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.  
  
They disappeared in a sparkly cloud. 


	3. The Plan Pt 2

Chapter 3: The Plan Pt. 2

Disclaimer: So far I only own Ara and the cottage at the edge of the Bog. Everything else belongs to someone else.

They reappeared outside of a huge mahogany door with a topographical map of the Labyrinth carved into the surface. Sarah was so entranced by the door she squeaked with surprise when Jareth scooped her up into his arms.

The door glided open and Jareth carried Sarah over the threshold and into his quarters.

His rooms were beautifully decorated. A fireplace to the right gave off enough light to illuminate the entire room. In front of the fireplace was a red oriental rug surrounded by overstuffed, black leather furniture: a couch, loveseat and chair. Behind the couch stood a leather topped table and two matching chairs.

The entrance to the bedroom was off to the left and the balcony was straight ahead.

"Come, let's talk out on the balcony while dinner is being served," said Jareth as he put Sarah down and led her out onto the balcony.

"Uh…Alright," said Sarah.

Once out on the balcony things got kind of awkward, as far as Sarah was concerned they had nothing in common other than her journey through the Labyrinth.

"So…anyone successfully completed the Labyrinth since me?" Sarah began. Ok, probably not the best way to open the conversation, but she was at a loss.

"No." said Jareth, "Not everyone is given the privilege of wishing others away, nor is everyone foolish enough to think they can simply wish away their anxieties in the first place."

"I was 15!" countered Sarah, "I was too young to understand what I was actually doing!"

"Indeed," commented Jareth, "although I can see grown up quite a bit since our last meeting."

"…" Sarah paused, "Wait…did you just turn an insult into a compliment!"

This was definitely not the Goblin King she remembered from before…Hold it, was he looking at her chest! Never mind, same old Jareth.

"Astute as ever I see, Sarah," said Jareth in one of his haughtier tones.

Yep, this was definitely the same pompous, egotistical, asinine, vapid…(You get the point) but roguishly handsome jerk from before.

"How dare you!" Sarah erupted in her best agitated tone, "I come all this way for a visit and all you can do is take cheap shots!"

"I thought you said you were on your way to see Higgle," Jareth crossed his arms over his chest.

"I was…" Sarah said quickly as she saw Didymous and Ambrosious making their way across the courtyard below, "and then I was going to come and see you. I wanted a fresh start. We got off on the wrong foot last time I think."

(Cue the fight scene)

"The wrong foot?-The wrong foot!" yelled Jerath, "You ran amuck through my kingdom, refused all I had to offer, including my love, emasculated me in front of my subjects. Do you have any idea how degrading it was for someone in my position to be defeated and rejected by a fifteen year old human girl, especially after I reordered time on her account!"

"Oh, you and that whole re-ordering time thing, again!" bellowed Sarah, "For your information, you didn't give me much incentive to stick around, considering your idea of generosity was to try and forget about me by dropping me into an oubliette, nearly having me ripped to shreds by those crazed maniacs, the firies, and then attempting to drop me into the BOG!"

"If you recall, Sarah, it was your decisions that got you into those uncomfortable positions in the first place!" shouted Jerath.

It probably would have come to blows, if the small squeak of a goblin maid hadn't interrupted the bickering.

"Dinner is served, Your Highness. You just need to select a wine."

"Very well," said Jareth walking over to the threshold of the balcony. Before he went back into his rooms the Goblin King glanced over his shoulder at Sarah, "Try not to wonder into any danger while I'm gone."

He disappeared inside before Sarah could make a rebuttal.

"Oooo, that man is infuriating!" exclaimed Sarah.

She leaned on the balcony's railing to fume when she noticed Sir Didymous and Ambrosious begin their trek carefully across the courtyard below with Ludo brining up the rear. Everything began well, but soon they attracted the attention of one of the guards.

Sarah had to think fast, if the guard raised the alarm Didymous would surely blow the entire rescue mission, Ambrosious would head for the hills and Ludo would get caught in the crossfire, that's when Sarah noticed a potted plant sitting by her foot.

SMASH!-The guard keeled over surrounded by a halo of soil.

"Sarah, what was that?" came Jareth's voice from inside.

"Uh…one of the guards knocked over a plant in the courtyard," said Sarah quickly.

"Ugh, not again." sighed Jareth walking back out onto the balcony to collect Sarah, "I'll deal with it later, come dinner is served."

Jareth took Sarah by the arm and led her inside.

Dinner consisted of the best salad Sarah had ever eaten. It was served in the top of a large mushroom and was chock full of berries, nuts and fruits Sarah had never seen before.

Sarah and Jareth ate dinner civilly. The only conversation throughout the meal was very topical, concentrating mostly on the weather. Sarah was taking no chances at this point. A strange topic or rambling could raise the Goblin King's suspicions and that would scrub the entire rescue mission.

Meanwhile Didymus, Ludo and Ambrosius had penetrated into the bowels of the castle (a.k.a. the dungeon or more correctly the catacombs). As I'm sure you can imagine it was dark, dank, overrun with cobwebs and you could hear water dripping somewhere at every turn.

Cells lined the walls and the floor. Many were empty although some still held the remnants of their past tenants. Granted they were from the Goblin Civil War that occurred nearly two centuries ago, but they still served to send Ambrosius the other way.

"Ambrosius!-Ambrosius, come back here at once!" the noble knight shouted after his fearful steed, "Cans't thou just turn and run away, while Sir Hoggle in danger!"

But the little knight's pleas fell on deaf ears, as Ambrosius kept on running and didn't look back.

And so the rescue team was reduced to two. But nonetheless they pressed on and with a short while (15 min to be exact) their efforts were rewarded as they came upon Hoggle, who despite the trauma he had endured was in good spirits, considering two slumbering guards were "watching" him.

In fact, he was in mid verse when they found him:

"…if one of those bottles should happen to fall, 547 bottles of beer on the wall…"

"Sir Hoggle," exclaimed the knight.

Hoggle leapt up from the straw mattress in the cell, "Didymus! Ludo! You shouldn't be here. It's too dangerous! If you get caught his royal highn-**_ass_** will throw you in here too or worse. From what I've heard three halls of cells have been flooded with water from the Bog!"

"I care not!" declared the knight, "These guards and the King himself will have to drown me in the Bog before I let you rot in a cell!"

"Ya!" Ludo chimed in.

"SHHH!" scolded Hoggle in a harsh whisper, "Keep your voices down, you'll wake the guards!"

"I fear not a fight!-I'll take on all the royal guards if need be!" shouted Didymus.

"Get the keys, then fight!" hissed Hoggle.

"Oh yes, quite right," said the knight in a remorseful tone as he crossed over to the guard.

"What's taking so long!" insisted Hoggle.

"Um…he fell asleep with his arms crossed and the key ring around his right forearm." explained Didymus, "Maybe if I tickle him, he'll move his arm…

"Damn," swore the dwarf.

"Here," said Ludo. The great beast walked over to Hoggle's cell and wrenched the iron door off it's hinges.

This created a horrific screeching sound of metal shredding metal that, obviously awoke the guards.

"What's going on!" shouted the guard with the keys.

"Attack!" shouted Didymus charging forward as Ludo helped Hoggle out of the cell.

"Inform the king!" shouted the guard to his counterpart as Didymus launched a full scale attack.

The other guard took off as fast as he could to warn the king.

Back up in Jareth's quarters, Sarah was in the bathroom preparing for bed by donning one of the Victoria's Secret ensembles Ara had given her. Jareth relaxed at the table with a glass of red wine as the goblin maid cleared the plates.

It was then frantic knocking could be heard at the door.

"Your highness, your highness!" the guard cried as he banged.

Jareth sighed and downed the rest of the wine in his glass then headed for the door, opening it to find his guard in mid panic attack, "Yes, what inane thing is now?" drawled the Goblin King.

The guard tried to regain his breath quickly, but Sarah was already three steps ahead.

SNAP!

A bright pink thong soared through air and landed on the Goblin King's head.

Jareth reached up and untangled the tiny swatch of fabric from his hair and looked back at Sarah, who was seductively leaning against frame of the bedroom door.

"Something just came up," said Jareth quickly as he proceeded to slam the door in the guard's face.

"I'm sure it did," said Sarah smirking.

"This is a sudden change of events, can I ask why?" inquired Jareth just barely keeping his composure.

Sarah raised an eyebrow, "Do you really care?"

Jareth cleared his throat as he took great care in unbuttoning the cuffs of his shirt, "No, I suppose not."

Needless to say they were indisposed for the rest of the night.

Down in the courtyard Didymus, Ludo and Hoggle were about to make a clean get away when the other guard caught up with them.

"You there, STOP!" the guard yelled charging into the courtyard saber drawn.

He would have caused a considerable amount of damage as Didymus was helping Hoggle, who was in a weakened state due to his imprisonment, to walk. Luckily, Ambrosius who was hiding out in a bush ran for the protection of his master when he heard the guard yell.

The cowardly steed closed his eyes ran for the trio at break neck speed ramming into the guard's butt and sending him nose first into a fountain.

It was at this point the now reassembled quartette quickly made their way off into the night, back to the safety of the bog (There's a clause I bet you'd never thought you'd read).


	4. The Plan Backfires

Chapter 4: The Plan Backfires

Disclaimer: I do not own the Labyrinth or the lands/characters shown in the Labyrinth movie.

AN: Sorry, if it's a little rough. I promised to post by New Years-I know, I cut that one a little close!

Despite many near misses on their way out of the goblin city and a few hours of hiding among the trash heaps beyond the walls, the trio of vigilantes, as well as their cowardly steed, made it back to bog at dawn. Warily they trudged up to their front door. Ambrosius and Sir Didymus supported Hoggle in his weakened condition while Ludo unlocked to door.

Hoggle took a deep breath and sighed, "Ah, I never thought I'd be glad to smell the bog."

"Aye, Sir Hoggle, very few come to appreciate the beauty of the bog."

"Uh…ya, sure…" stammered Hoggle as yet something else went over the small knight's head.

There was a pause as Ludo pushed the door open…

"Wait, how did the two of you distract Jarteth and rescue me at the same time?" asked Hoggle.

"The Fair Lady, Sarah, returned to help us rescue you." Didymus explained.

"Well, where is she?" Hoggle demanded.

"Alas, Sir Hoggle, she gave herself to distract the king, while we freed you from the dungeon."

"WHAT?!" the dwarf shrieked.

"Ya," confirmed Ludo quietly.

"We have to go back for her!" Hoggle insisted.

"We cannot!" said the noble knight taking a stand.

"Why the hell not?!" challenged the dwarf.

"Because she said that this was the way it must be done!" exclaimed Didymus, "You know better than anyone, Sir Hoggle, that the fair lady feels she must face the king alone."

Hoggle sighed again. There was no changing the knight's mind and he was in no condition to face Jareth on his own.

* * *

Back at the castle, Sarah was already awake as the first morning's light streamed through the curtains in Jareth's bedroom. She quickly fumbled around for her duffle bag by the side of the bed. On locating it, she dug into the side pocket and withdrew a small metal pill box, containing sleeping pills. She had intended to use them for her stay with Karen and her father, but now they would serve to make good her escape from the goblin king for a second time.

Beside her, Jareth began to stir from the movement on the other side of the bed. Sarah hastily put the pill in her mouth and then leaned over and kissed the goblin king. However, this was no ordinary kiss. Jareth's mismatched eyes shot open as Sarah shoved her tongue down his throat, forcing him to swallow. Little did he know what he swallowed.

Five more minutes of making out and the goblin king was asleep again. The young heroine collected her things hastily and snuck out of the castle. Sarah knew she would be recognized if just walked out through town. She looked around for some cover or a diversion. Fortunately, it was garbage day and a mule drawn cart laden with trash, the majority of which was rotten produce, was parked just outside the caslte. Without thinking about it Sarah dove into the back of the cart and covered both herself and her duffle bag with garbage.

Just as she had completely camouflaged herself, the driver came out a side door of the castle and climbed onto the front of cart. It only took fifteen minutes for the cart to reach the trash heaps beyond the city wall. There, as the driver dismounted, Sarah pushed the decomposing produce off of her and her bag and climbed up and over the side of the cart. Then she took off at a sprint through the mounds of garbage, taking care to stay out of the sight of the driver.

After clearing the junkyard, it took Sarah another two hours to find her way back through the bog, as she took special care to avoid meeting anyone. When she finally reached her friends' cottage, she was exhausted and wearily trudged up to the door.

After knocking twice, Sir Didymus opened the door and gaped at her.

Sarah didn't take time to notice the little knight's expression. She was too preoccupied with the hour. She had hoped to escape into the night after the Goblin King fell asleep. Unfortunately, he fell asleep with his arms around her waist. Who knew Jareth liked to cuddle? (Did anyone else just throw up a little in their mouth?) Anyway, by the time Sarah got the royal pain to roll over, back onto his side of the bed, sunlight had begun to stream through the window and well, you know the rest. Now she was most concerned with what time it was back in her own world.

As I'm sure you recall from Sarah's pervious visit to the Underground, Jareth reordered time on her behalf. There was no such luck this time and for all Sarah knew, it could very well be next week at her father's house.

"My lady…y-you're…" Didymus stammered.

"Running late-Yes, I know," stated Sarah as she blew past the noble knight and headed for the mirror she came through. "I'll be sure to call you later." she continued over her shoulder, "Give Hoggle my best."

"But, My Lady, you're glowing!" exclaimed Didymus, finding his voice.

"Oh, Sir Didymus, that's so sweet of you to say," said Sarah looking back quickly, as she launched her duffle bag threw the mirror frame.

"No, Fair Maiden, you're really…" Didymus started, but it was too late, Sarah had already gone through the mirror, "…glowing."

* * *

Sarah climbed off her dresser and into her childhood bedroom, just as the doorknob began to turn. It was then Sarah caught her reflection in the mirror and saw what Didymus was talking about. She was, in fact, giving off an iridescent glow.

"What the hell?" she gasped, as the door opened to reveal none other than Karen standing behind it.


End file.
